Cleveland is Rocking Once Again

Clevelanders have had an exciting week. The Browns have been making moves to “win the offseason”, the Indians’ spring training is in full swing, and the Cavs haven’t done anything to embarrass themselves in quite a while.

Let’s start with the biggest news. Browns General Manager, John Dorsey was wheeling and dealing all week. His huge move was acquiring Odell Beckham, Jr. from the New York Giants. Every media member on every show has been praising Dorsey’s ability to swindle the Giants in the deal. I haven’t seen Cleveland rip off New York like that since the Cavs got Iman Shumpert and J.R. Smith from the Knicks for next to nothing.

Unknown-2.jpeg

Earlier in the week, there was another trade with the Giants that most fans were excited about. The Browns traded their starting guard, Kevin Zeitler, for pass-rusher Olivier Vernon. It was bitter sweet losing Zeitler, but Dorsey and the coaching staff must have faith in last year’s 2nd round draft pick, Austin Corbett. He didn’t get any meaningful reps last season though so nobody knows for sure. I call him Austin “Powers” Corbett because he is an “International Man of Mystery”.

Unknown.jpeg

In other Cleveland news, the Cavaliers have been steadily improving as of late. This is especially true for rookie, Collin Sexton. The young point guard has averaged 27 points per game over his last three contests. Sexton calls himself “Young Bull” which begs the question, should we call this team the Cleveland Calves? This team has found the perfect happy tanking medium. They are playing just well enough to show promise while also staying in the Zion Williamson sweepstakes.

images-1

There isn’t too much to report about with the Indians. Newly acquired 1st baseman Jake Bauers did just had a monster game yesterday with 5 RBI and his brother from another mother, Trevor Bauer struck out 10 batters in less than 5 innings (insert eye emojis). I could drone on and on about Bauer because he seems to improve every offseason.

Unknown-1

So there you have it Cleveland. The city has a team projected to win their 4th consecutive division title, a team that has the third best Vegas odds of winning the AFC, and a team tied with the best odds of winning the NBA lottery.

Everything is coming up Cleveland.

Space Jam 2 Leaked Script

Space Jam 2 is apparently in the works and I couldn’t be more excited. While I personally believe that Kobe Bryant should be the main character, I’ll settle for LeBron. I have received a sneak peek at the script and would like to share some of the plot without spoiling anything.

A Few Things That Stood Out:

As an homage to the original, Bugs and Daffy are tasked with sneaking into LeBron’s mom’s house in Akron to retrieve his lucky St. Vincent-St. Mary shorts. Instead of running across a ferocious bulldog, the Looney Toons are greeted by a half asleep, tighty-whitey wearing, Delonte West. They get out just in time to make it to the facility on time for training.

delonte

As practice begins, it is clear to LeBron that the Toons are not ready for the big game yet. He responds by firing off cryptic social media posts bashing his teammates for being soft. When this fails, he attempts to trade Taz and Tweety to the Monstars to shake things up but they turn down the offer.

With all of his go-to moves failing, James pulls out one last trick. He contacts Kendrick Lamar and asks him to write some brand new songs that he can use to teach Bugs and the gang how to make workout montages while lip syncing and making aggressive head movements.

lebron

At halftime of the big game against the Monstars, the Toon Squad needs a pick me up. Bugs and LeBron come up with a brilliant plan to trick their teammates into feeling invincible. They take a bottle of LeBron’s Chardonnay out of his gym bag and try passing it off as James’ Magic Juice.

I don’t want to give away the ending or the NBA players who will be losing their skills to the Monstars so I won’t share anymore at this time. Stay tooned.

Other Notable Notes:

Newman from Seinfeld’s character will be played by Brian Windhorst. I am especially excited for the scene where he gets flattened, then pumped full of air until he lets out a minute long fart.

newman