Earlier, I wrote an article highlighting the potential first round draft picks for the Cleveland Browns. John Dorsey made that entire article worthless when he dealt their first pick to the New York Giants for Odell Beckham, Jr. (Rumor has it that he may trade right back into the first round though.)

The players on this list were chosen based solely on the storylines that would be created if they were actually drafted by the Browns. This is in no way supposed to show who I think Cleveland will/should draft.

Chase Winovich- EDGE, Michigan: Its no secret that most Ohioans can’t stand players (or fans, or coaches, or cheerleaders, or band members) from the team up North. This is no different for Winovich, who happens to have an especially punchable face. After some of the comments he has made about Ohio State, rival fans have a little extra hatred for the long haired edge rusher. The last player the Browns drafted that was an enemy of Buckeye Nation was Baker Mayfield, and he turned out to be pretty good.

Bobby Evans- OT, Oklahoma: You might be reading this thinking, “Wow, this one actually makes sense. The Browns need help at the tackle position and this guy has worked with Baker before.” Well, you put a lot more thought and analysis into it than I did. Simply put, I want Bob Evans on a team with Freddie Kitchens and Baker so people (me) can fill everyone’s timelines with corny food jokes. “Did you hear about Bob Evans? The Kitchens wanted him to get some pancakes for a Baker.” I’m still workshopping this but be prepared to see a lot more like that if the pick actually comes to fruition.

Michael Jordan- OG, Ohio State: The last guard named Michael Jordan won six titles and was part of a great dynasty. With Baker Mayfield at the helm, this Michael Jordan should go on to do the same thing. playing for the Browns would set up so many twitter jokes. You could go the LeBron vs. MJ route. LeBron only won one title with Cleveland whereas Michael Jordan will probably win multiple with the Browns.

Elijah Holyfield- RB, Georgia: Elijah Holyfield is the son of famed boxer, Evander Holyfield. I’m sure I’ll get an earful for suggesting the Browns select another young running back with Duke Johnson, Kareem Hunt, and Nick Chubb on the roster, but I don’t want to hear it. He could help Cleveland take a bite out of the Ravens and help Freddie Kitchen’s offense chew up clock. Also, his dad had experience beating a guy who owned bengals which could come in handy when facing the Steelers this year.

Gardner Minshew- QB, Washington State: Quarterback is one position that the Browns are set at, but it never hurts to get a serviceable young back-up. This recommendation is based solely on his name, as I have watched approximately 0 minutes of film on Minshew. It’s a shame the Browns didn’t retain Tyrod as well. We could’ve all looked forward to bad jokes that start with “A Baker, a Gardner, and a Taylor walk into a bar…”.

Saquan Hampton- S, Rutgers: Many people lamented the fact that Cleveland didn’t select Saquon Barkley in last year’s draft. This year, John Dorsey gets a redo and can select a Saquan from the Big Ten. Best of all even if he gets outplayed by an electric, young, record-setting quarterback, he will still win Rookie of the Year.

Dre’Mont Jones- DL, Ohio State: It would be cruel to make someone who has been a loyal Browns fan since their return in 1999 to join another team just before they win the Super Bowl.

Michael Jackson- CB, Miami: All the good cornerbacks shadow wide receivers to the point where it looks like the wideout is just a “Man in the Mirror”. In a game against the Patriots, Jackson could guard Julian Edelman or Josh Gordon because to him it don’t matter if you’re “Black or White”. Twenty years from now, Browns fans will be saying I “Remember the Time” that Michael Jackson picked off Tom Brady in the AFC Championship game. That would be crazy, but to be honest, any game with Jackson involved is sure to be a “Thriller”. I’m sorry, I know that was way too many puns about the Prince of Pop. If I made any more of them it would be real “Bad”.